シクラメン Cyclamens

３月に亡くなった友達の実家に行きました。８月にお焼香に行った時、私は子供を亡くした親の悲しみがどれほどのものかを目の当たりにしました。前回行った時にかなりのお返しを頂いてしまい、とても当惑したのですが、ご両親は「生前仲良くしていただいたお礼だから」とおっしゃっいました。お返しのお返しも妙なので、時々お宅に伺おうと決めました。　彼女の生前に何度かお邪魔したので、ご両親と私は面識はあるけれど特に親しいわけではありません。農家で、お父さんが園芸や鳥が好きだという、私が知ってるわずかな情報をたよりに考えて、今回はシクラメンの鉢植えを持っていきました。お父さんは涙を流して「ありがとう！」と何度も言い、温室の案内をしながら彼女の思い出を話しました。温室にはシクラメンが山ほどあって、私が持ってくるまでもなかった、とちょっと間抜けな感じはしたけれど、ご両親にとっては「消えてしまった娘を今でも覚えていて訪ねてくれる」ことがとても嬉しいようです。　私も知らなかったけど彼女はシクラメンがとても好きだったそうで、お父さんが育てているのを欲しがったそうです。また今度きた時にあげるね、と言ったきり、あげる機会がなくなってしまったことをお父さんはとても後悔していました。後悔って悲しい。いつ何がきっかけで、それが最後になってしまうかわからないもの。　床の間には「日々是好日」の掛け軸がかけてあり、ご両親は彼女の遺したお金でこれを買って自分達をはげましているのだと話してくれました。　シクラメンは、以前は全く興味がなかったけど、富士見来てから好きになった花です。でも、今回また別の意味で特別な花になった気がする。うまく言えないけれど、シクラメンを見ると、物思いにふけってしまいます。

Visited my friend's parents' home on Saturday. She died in March, was survived by her husband and a baby. The couple live in tears, in deep sorrow. I don't know why I visit her parents, maybe to encourage them, to talk about the memories with her, or I just worried about them. Last time I visited them was in August, it was to offer incense. Then I brought them some flowers, they gave me something in return, but the amount was so big that I felt too bad. I told them that's too much, and they told me it was to thank me for our good friendship over years. Well then, I decided to visit them from time to time, for they must feel very lonely without their dearest daughter. The problem for me is I don't really know them well. I have visited them several times while she was alive, also, she was always talking about her family, so those are all informations I know about them. What I know is they are farmers and the father loves plants, flowers, and birds. So I brought them some cyclamens grown at our school. The father was moved to tears with my visit and said "Thank you" so many times. He showed me around in his greenhouse, talking about the memories with his daughter. He said she liked cyclamens very much, which I didn't know. In his greenhouse, there were various kinds of cyclamens , and I felt bad I had brought something they had enough. He cried regretting that he hadn't given her one of the cyclamens when he had been asked. He had told her he would give it to her next time, however, he could never have the next chance. Nobody knows when is the last chance. In the living room, there was a hanging scroll they bought with the money she had left. It said "Each Day is a Good Day, "; they encourage themselves reading this every day. They thanked me many times saying they wished she could thank me, I told I would come again and left their house. I came to like cyclamens after I moved to Fujimi though I hadn't been interested in it at all before. Now cyclamens became more special to me. Many thoughts come to me when I see it in bloom.